Forgotten Ties
by Tomoe2
Summary: An unexpected visitor reveals a secret that is about to dramatically change Kenshin's life.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Unexpected visit

Kaoru was walking from the dojo to the house when she heard someone's voice coming from the main gate. Wiping sweat from her brow with he sleeve, she hurried herself towards the entrance. When she opened the side door, she saw a beautiful woman in a turquoise kimono and a silver obi. The visitor instantly turned her face towards Kaoru and smiled.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. Is this the house of Himura Kenshin," she asked in a delicate voice.

Kaoru hesitated a moment. Who was this woman, and what did she want with her husband? Spending the last few years with Kenshin, she had become wary of strangers asking to know the whereabouts of the former hitokiri. Plus, this one had her extra worried since her question had revealed that she spoke in the Kyoto dialect.

The woman, noticing Kaoru's reticence, smiled again.

"I'm sorry, it was very rude of me not to introduce myself first. I am Yumiko Iribe. I was a geisha in Kyoto, Himura-san was my friend. Is this his house?"

Flabbergasted, Kaoru could only nod. A geisha? Kenshin's friend? More like her customer, right? What should she do? Should she invite the guest inside? She didn't really feel like it it, but then again it would be rude to turn away one of Kenshin's friends, if that's what she really was. Unable to take a decision, she stood there thinking. She bet that the women could hear the gears in her brain.

Yumiko, looking at the young woman who had answered the door, could not help but feel uncomfortable. She did not like to disclose information about her past. It usually gave people this kind of reaction. Even thought they knew geisha were not prostitutes, women always reacted badly. In this case, I guess, I do deserve it, she thought. This was probably a bad idea after all. She shouldn't have come. She was about to leave when she her footsteps behind her.

There he was. Wearing a blue gi and gray hakama. His hair as red as they had ever been, the crossed-shaped scar on his cheek a little bit paler but still visible. His eyes were the same purple they had always been yet they seemed different. With a pang, she realized that she had never seen his eyes smile like that. She was even more surprised when she realized that a little red-haired boy was sitting on his shoulders, pulling on his hair distractedly.

A boy. Himura Kenshin, Battosai had a kid.

Coming here was indeed a bad idea.

She quickly turned around to see that the young women had also noticed the samurai and was looking even more worried. She had to leave this place.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you. Obviously I'm mistaken."

What she had just said made no sense at all. The woman had clearly seen her look at Himura, but she had to leave. She felt light headed and feared that she would lose consciousness on the spot. She made a few steps in the opposite direction but it was already too late.

"Kaoru-dono! We have a guest?"

His voice. It hadn't changed at all. Yumiko closed her eyes, feeling like she was going to collapse any moment.

Kaoru, stepping out of her trance, nodded and held her hands out towards her son who was calling for her.

"Um, yes. She just came here, she said she was looking for you, her name is... Sorry, what did you say your name was?"

Yumiko, feeling all her chances of leaving disappear slowly turned around, embarrassed. A gust of wind suddenly made dead leaves and dust twirl in the air. Kenshin covered his face with his sleeve. When he looked up he saw a woman with dark grey eyes looking at him. His head instantly filled with old images, images that haunted him late at night when he couldn't sleep. He closed his eyes and opened them again, as if to make sure he wasn't sleeping. When his voice came out, it was but a whisper.

"Yumiko...dono."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Ghosts of the Past

In the small parlour, Yumiko and Kenshin quietly sat facing each other. Kaoru had come he served the tea to their guest and then quietly left her husband and that strange woman alone. She had wanted to eavesdrop, but her five-year-old son wasn't exactly inconspicuous. Outside, the sun was now hidden behind dark grey storm clouds. A few drops were falling here and there but it was as if the sky was holding back, waiting for the couple in the room to start talking.

Kenshin kept staring at his knees. His throat was parched but he didn't dare take his tea cup. He didn't want to show her the trembling of his hands. Seeing here standing there had been like being punched the stomach.

Yumiko's whole body was shivering. She shouldn't have come here. It was all a bad idea. The past was meant to stay behind. Why bring it back? But this silence was like torture. Her job had been to talk to people, not stare at the straw mats like this.

"You look great."

"I thought you were dead," blurted the samurai.

Yumiko's voice was lost in Kenshin strong words. She raised her eyes to see that he was intently looking at her. She took a deep breath; there was an opening she could surely use.

"I... I almost did. When the eastern area of Shimabara caught fire, our okiya burned to the ground."

She paused, the memories of that terrible night washing over her. She had not talked about this in years.

"That night, I had a fight with Kinu-chan. You remember, Kinu-chan?"

"She always wore that little bell in her hair," said the man in a soft voice.

"Yes, you're right. Well that night we had a fight. I can't even remember what it was about. She was such a sweet thing, the whole thing was probably my fault. So I went out in the garden to avoid sharing my room with her. It was a hot July night. I'm sure you remember that summer. It was so hot. As if the gods had wanted Man to stop this senseless fighting. So I feel asleep next to the ginkgo tree. When I woke up an hour later, the house was..."

Yumiko stopped. The images of her house ablaze were dancing vividly in front of her. She hadn't spoken of this in such a long time. The last time was... She didn't want to think about it. She did not need any more sadness. Taking a deep breath, she tried to stop the tears she felt coming. In front of her, Himura had taken his cup, his hands trembling slightly. She took hers, but instead of drinking from it, warmed her fingers on it.

"The main section of the house was in flames. It was so hot I could not look directly at it for fear that my face would melt. Getting as close as I could, I started calling out Kinu's name as well as the other girls' names. The only answer I got was the roaring of the fire and the sound of the windows exploding under the heat. I was walking around the house trying to find a safe spot to go back inside when I heard Kinu-chan's voice. She was stuck on the second floor, calling desperately for help. Without hesitation, I rushed inside the house. The place was a real inferno, with pieces of burning wood falling like an avalanche. The creaking was so loud, the smoke so thick that I soon lost all sense of direction and inadvertently ended up getting out of the house, instead of deeper inside. By then, the old man from the kimono shop next door had come to help us. I am told he put out the fire that was burning my kimono. I don't remember things clearly after that. Only that my leg was badly burnt and that I would never dance again."

As her story ended, the rain started to fall heavily in the courtyard, as if to put off the fire of her memories. Distractedly, she reached for her sleeve to grab her handkerchief. Her movement was interrupted by Kenshin who presented her with one of his own. She softly apologized and dabbed her cheeks.

"Everyone died. All of them, except for me. Everything was gone. The house, the kimono and even the money. I had nothing left."

She took a sip of tea and put the cup back in front of her. She had to tell him. Now was the time. She looked up, plunging her deep grey eyes in his purple gaze.

"I... I tried to find you."

He looked surprised. It hurt her a little.

"I thought that if I found you, maybe you would be able to help me get some money. I know, it's ridiculous. You never gave me reasons to think you had access to any money. But I was desperate. Everyone I knew had either died or lost everything in that fire. You were my only hope."

She couldn't read Himura's face. He looked far away, lost in his thoughts.

"As you know I never found you. The fighting intensified and my condition did not give me the liberty of walking around in the midst of a civil war."

As she said those words, she instinctively brought her hands to her belly. The gesture was not lost on Kenshin whose eyes suddenly became round with surprise.

"Yumiko-dono, you..."

Kenshin was interrupted by Kenji who walked in the room, jumped on his father's lap and hugged him. Kenshin hugged him back, his eyes on his long lost friend. Yumiko looked away. Dinner was ready.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Give me the Truth

They all ate dinner in silence, thankful for Kenji's every word. Kaoru had tried to start a conversation but had soon given up when she'd seen the way her husband her his guest had reacted. Something was going on and she was dying to know what it was. Yumiko had not planned to stay at the dojo for that long, but the storm raging outside made it impossible for her to walk back to her ryokan. Kenshin would not have let her go back anyway.

Yumiko had hoped that she would be able to talk to Himura after dinner but he was soon busy with the clean up. Since Kenshin's wife was busy with her child, she had ended up alone on the veranda with her thoughts. How much had her small gesture betrayed? She had seen the flash in his eyes. What had he been wanting to say? If only that child had not walked in... Oh but he was so precious, wasn't he? Just like... Yumiko stopped her train of thoughts. Thinking about it would not help her feel better.

She didn't know how long she had been there staring in the dark of the rainy night when Himura appeared next to her. She didn't need to look up to know it was him. His smelled hadn't changed a bit, maybe except for the fact that he didn't smell of blood anymore.

"Yumiko-dono. We have a room ready for you. You can't go back in this rain. Please make us the pleasure or staying for the night."

His voice was flat, expressionless. Just like the first time they had met. She looked up at him, almost expecting to see the young boy of fifteen she remembered. He looked at her intently, his face neutral but his eyes unable to hide his distress. He wanted to know. It was obvious. But she felt so tired all of a sudden. She slowly got up and gave the man the warmest smile she could.

"I would love to spend the night here. My ryokan is far from here and I'm truly exhausted.

Kenshin led her to a small six mat room on the other side of the house. The futon had already been lain out. The place was so big it reminded her of her okiya. Kenshin kindled her lamp and retreated to the door, as if waiting for something, or someone.

"I'm sorry we can't offer you a warm bath, we usually take it in the early afternoon, after practice," he said after a long while.

"Don't worry. I actually bathed before I came. I needed to freshen up after all that time spent on the road"

All of a sudden, they both felt really silly to be talking about baths. Yumiko laughed. Kenshin smiled. He then seemed about to say something but thought better of it.

"Good night, Yumiko-dono, " he simply said.

"Good night, Himura."

Kenshin took the woman's hand and kissed it avidly. Then, he pulled on it, the woman falling in his arms. Then, delicately, he started kissing her parted lips while his hands started to undo her obi. She was so beautiful, so perfect. Yumiko started to undo the strings of Kenshin's hakama, her lips never leaving his mouth.

Kaoru woke up with a start and sat up straight in her futon. Bringing her hand to her mouth, she muffled her rough breathing. She looked to her left and was distraught to see that her husband was not sleeping next to Kenji like he should have been. Fearing that her dreams had actually been a reflection the reality, she threw a haori on and got up on her feet. If this whore thought she could come under her roof and seduce her husband she was wrong.

Almost stomping all the way to the other side of the house she jumped when she saw Yumiko sitting alone on the veranda against one of the posts. The woman, also surprised, instinctively grabbed the haori she had left next to her and covered her undergarment with it. They both remained still for a moment, Yumiko wondering what was going to happen, Kaoru half upset and half relieved that she hadn't found a reason to throw that woman out of her house.

Snapping out of it, Kaoru sat on the veranda, about a meter away from Yumiko.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up," she said, staring at the garden. The rain was still pouring, but the storm was over.

"Please do not worry yourself. When the weather is acting up, my leg often hurts. I couldn't sleep so I thought I would come out here and take some fresh air."

Instantly, Kaoru looked at the woman's leg. She only had enough time to see a flash of terribly scarred skin before Yumiko covered it again with he undergarment.

"What happened?" blurted Kaoru before she could help herself.

Yumiko looked at her and smiled sadly.

"A fire. It took away everything that I had."

_Almost._

"I'm sorry," said Kaoru and she did.

"Do not worry yourself. It was a long time ago."

Silence. The rain falling.

"Do you know where Kenshin went?"

Yumiko looked puzzled then smiled, almost chuckling.

"Kaoru-san, your husband loves you. Only a fool wouldn't see it. He wasn't with me, if that's what you're thinking."

Blood rushed to Kaoru's face and she was glad that the night was without a moon. Nevertheless, she was relieved. A long moment passed.

"I'm sorry. I was rude to you. So many people have come looking for Kenshin and most of the time it only meant trouble. Can I ask you how my husband and you have met? He seemed so restless when he went to bed tonight..."

Yumiko stared at the darkness in front of her. Did she want to share these memories with this woman? Could she? Had Himura told her about everything? She sighed. Knowing him, he probably had spared her half of what he had gone through in those years.

"How much do you know about Himura?" she asked. "Do you know of this woman he loved and killed?"

"Tomoe."

Yumiko was glad she knew. She wouldn't have wanted to give away someone else's darkest secret.

"Good. Listen to me then, because I don not care to repeat myself. I was once a geisha and Himura was once a hitokiri. He was once heartbroken and I was once in love. And once, I was his and he was mine."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Stories of blood

"I met Himura at an ochaya in Shimabara. Nobody really important was there, only a few members of the ishin party. I was never at the top of this world and the tea houses I worked for never were important places in the history of the revolution. Ordinary people, extraordinary destinies. He came with some of the other men and obviously he didn't want to be there. He remained quietly seated by the door most of the the evening and drank little. I must confess I didn't really notice him. The little party continued until late in the night and it was almost dawn when they decided to leave at last.

I sat, as was my habit, in the kitchen of the tea house, sipping a little bit of tea and waiting for Shoji, the son of our mistress, who always walked back home with us. Those were dangerous times and it was unsafe even for us to walk the streets alone. Suddenly, Himura walked in, looking disoriented.

"Excuse me, have you seen my companions?" he asked. His voice was low and monotone. It felt like he was really tired. Emotionally tired.

I stood up and smiled at him.

"They left a few minutes ago. I thought you had left with them..."

For a split second, he knitted his brow but soon his face was as smooth and expressionless as it had been back in the party room.

"I see. I am leaving, then. Would you want me to accompany you back to your okiya. The city is unsafe at this hour."

I smiled to myself. This was the most words I had heard him say in a row that evening.

"I'm sorry, Mr...?"

"Himura. Himura Kenshin."

In a flash, my mind made the connection with the famous ishin assassin, hitokiri battousai. I gave Himura a quick look from head to toe. How could this skinny boy be a killer?

It only took him a glance to see that I had connected the dots. He did not, however, seem embarrassed.

"Maybe you know me better under the name of hitokiri battousai," he volunteered.

I decided to ignore it.

"Mr Himura, I thank you for your kind offer but I'm waiting for one of my people. We never walk the streets alone."

"Could this person be a tall skinny man with thick eyebrows?"

I frowned. Had Shoji already arrived?

"If that is so I'm sorry to say that I sent him away. I told him that everyone had gone already. I'm sorry, I'm not used to this kind of place. Will you allow me to walk you home?"

I had no choice but to accept. To be honest, I never found out if he had really sent Shoji away or if the whole thing had been his idea. He did however, get me safely home. We did not talk much on the way, I because I was exhausted and he, well, I can't say for sure, but he appeared to be lost in his thoughts.

The following night, as I was on my way home with Shoji after my appointment at an another ochaya a man appeared from a side street. He was panting and covered in blood. Of course, my companion drew his wakizashi and I was sure we were both going to be killed.

"Yumiko-dono," said the man and I instantly recognized his voice. "May I walk you home?"

At that very moment, the moon came out of the clouds and shone bleakly on Himura. He looked more alive than ever. Shoji was about to strike but I stopped him. He would have died, anyway.

"Shoji, this is Himura Kenshin. He walked me home yesterday. He's a friend, let him walk with us."

When he heard the name, Shoji almost dropped his sword. I smiled to myself. Now that he knew that this little fifteen year old girl had a powerful friend, maybe he would stop trying to take her for himself.

With Shoji in front and Himura and I at the rear, our little group started moving forward. We walked in silence for a while. The smell of blood was overwhelming and yet, I could still catch his scent. Without thinking, I grabbed the handkerchief I always kept in my sleeve and gave it to him. He politely refused at first but finally accepted. He wiped his face and put the piece of fabric in his sleeve, promising to give it back as soon as possible.

"I killed three men."

He blurted it out as if he hadn't meant to say it but just couldn't keep it inside anymore. Now I had been working in this time of war for a while and I had heard many men boast about their kills, but the way he said it was different. It was the confession of a tortured man. An apology, almost. At that moment, I felt sorry for him and I. Sorry that we lived in an era that turned boys into murderers and poor country girls into objects of Man's desires.

"May their souls find the light," was all I replied.

These few words seemed to appease him a little. We didn't say much more that night, but this little exchange was to become a routine of ours. He would confess his crimes and I would, in a way, absolve him.

For the year that followed, Himura almost managed to walk me home every night. I don't know how he gathered the information, but he always seemed to know where I was. At first, Shoji still came but eventually they left it to Himura to walk me safely home. I was always looking forward to seeing him. He sometimes showed up covered in blood, but most of the time he made sure to clean himself before he came. I could still, however, smell the blood on him.

I rarely talked during our nocturne promenade. Rather, I listened to him. It seemed like he had been accumulating words for years. He told me of his mother, of his childhood, of the way they had been sold as slaves, of his master and of his training, but never of the ishin. He still, however, told me the number of kills.

Then, one night, he didn't show up. I thought it was one of those nights when he was just too busy and so I walked home by myself, using the safe passage he had shown me. The next night, he didn't show up either. I started to worry that something bad had happened to him when he didn't show up for the third night in a row. I tried to gather information at the parties I went to and was finally told that Himura had found a woman, and a pretty one at that."

"Tomoe," said Kaoru.

"Yes, it was indeed Tomoe. I was heartbroken. I realized that all along, I had been harbouring feelings for Himura. I was sixteen by then, and madly in love with the hitokiri battousai."

Yumiko paused. The rain had almost stopped. The night was so quiet yet in her mind she could still hear the screams and the sound of steel clashing against steel somewhere far in the night. She closed her eyes and sighed. She wasn't sure if she wanted to continue her story.

Kaoru sat quietly, deep in thoughts. Kenshin had never told her about this woman, yet, she could feel that she was telling the truth, no matter how remote the story seemed. She wanted to know more. Each word was like a knife in her heart and yet, she had to know the rest of the story. She stretched her arm and took the woman's hand in hers. Yumiko, startled, looked into this young woman's eyes.

"Please tell me more" she whispered softly.

Yumiko had a sad smile.

"I didn't see him for months and then one night, as I was working, he showed up at the back door of the ochaya. Luckily I was in the kitchen getting some sake when he arrived. He stood in the doorway, drenched in blood and rain, his sword unsheathed, looking lost. The staff started screaming in fear but I took control of the situation quickly and brought Himura to a small empty room. I was so afraid that he was hurt. I couldn't tell if the blood covering him was his."

"What happened next?" asked Karoru, hanging from Yumiko's lips.

She was about to reply when footsteps coming from behind her startled her. Both women turned around to see Kenshin standing by the veranda, drenched in rain. In a small but dark voice, he answered Karoru's question.

"I raped her."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A Heavy Burden

Kaoru and Yumiko were crouching by the small fire place under the bath house, the first one making sure the logs were burning evenly and the second giving wood to the first. After his sepulchral apparition and his shocking words, Kenshin had fallen on his knees in the mud, his body shivering violently. Kaoru hadn't had time to fully grasp what her husband had said when Yumiko had taken control of the situation. Rapidly, they had taken Kenshin inside and while Kaoru had helped her husband out of his soaked clothes, Yumiko had filled the bathtub with water from the well. Kenshin and Kaoru had then appeared, the former still shivering wrapped in his warm blanket. He had avoided her stare.

Kenshin was now sitting in the tub of hot water, his body slowly returning to life. As soon as Kaoru had fallen asleep, he had gotten up, unable to sleep. He had sat in the dojo for a long time, debating whether if he should or shouldn't go talk to Yumiko-dono. In his mind's eye, he had seen that faithful night when, blood crazed, he had forced himself upon the young geisha. He had tried and tried to remember perfectly every detail, but the images were blurry, imperfect. However, her tears he had seen clearly. The hurt in her charcoal eye had still pained him. He hadn't wanted to force her to think about that night again, but he needed to know what that gesture had meant. With this strong resolve, he had gotten up and walked to Yumiko-dono's room only to find her in great conversation with Kaoru-dono. Unable to make one more step, he had remained in the darkness of the night, under the rain. He knew his words had utterly shocked. Yet he had felt great relief in letting them out. Although he had kept these memories locked away in a corner of his mind for a long time, his utterance had removed a great weight off his shoulders. The word was out. He had raped that woman. Now he was done judging himself, the world would judge him instead.

Sitting by the fire, the two women were silent yet Yumiko sensed the heavy stare of Himura's wife. She wanted to know, obviously. She had a right to know.

"Kaoru-dono..."

"Did he really rape you?" interrupted the young woman in a tearful voice.

Yumiko turned around to see her eyes brimming with tears. She sighed, her mind a turmoil.

"Kaoru-dono, I can assure you that he didn't. I... I don't know why he said that."

She shook her head.

"But, but you said that you were once his..." said Kaoru, tentatively.

"I did, and I was. And I meant only that. I was his this one time, only once. But it was not rape. Please Kaoru-dono, I would like to continue this conversation in Himura's presence..."

Big tears rolled on the girl's cheek but Yumiko could see that it was partially because of relief. Nobody would have wanted their husband to be such a man, not even in a time of war, years ago. Yumiko felt a pang of jealousy. But it was useless, even if things had been different, she could have never been Himura's wife.

They were all back in the dining area, Kaoru sitting next to her husband and Yumiko sitting in front of them. Cups of tea lay untouched in front of them.

Himura kept looking down, his hair masking his eyes. His hands, balled into fists, rested on his knees. Yumiko felt like a monster for having brought such drama to this man. She should never have come but now that she had, she was going to right the wrongs.

"Himura, do you mind me telling the story?"

He shook his head. Kaoru seemend to want to take his hand but refrained from doing so.

"When I took Himura in that small room, I tried to remove his clothes to see if he was hurt, but he wouldn't let me. He was restless, walking about the room, his chest heaving, his eyes seeing ghosts. I tried to get him to sit down but he refused. As he paced to and fro, the tatami were dyed red with blood. I was crying, quietly. It hurt me to see him so distressed. At one point, he stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me. The sight of my tears seemed to have a calming effect on him and he.."

Yumiko hesitated. Maybe she should talk directly to Himura about this.

"The sight of my tears seemed to calm you."

Kenshin flinched, his knuckles whitening.

"You came and sat in front of me. You took my face in your bloodied hands and you apologized. You told me you were sorry you hadn't come to see me in all that time. You told me about Tomoe and how you had loved her and each of your words were like knives through my heart."

Yumiko could see Himura fidgeting. He didn't want to hear anymore, she could tell, but he had to know. In her mind, each of her words brought back a vivid memory. Had she closed her eyes, she would have found herself in that small room at the ochaya.

"You told me you had killed her fiance. You told me she had protected you from certain death with her life and that you had pierced her with your own katana. You told me that now, you saw her face everywhere and that each time you killed, you could smell her perfume as if she was standing right next to you, staring at you, judging you, begrudging you. And you cried, oh you cried. And I held you in my arms, and I cried too!"

Yumiko wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. She could hear Kaoru-dono's muffled sobs but all that she saw was him. His clenched fist, his bowed head, his trembling shoulders.

"And yes, yes Himura. You had me that night. You wept and you called out her name. But it was not rape. Do you understand? I let you have me because I loved you. I loved you with all my heart! No matter how much it hurt to see your love for her I let you have me, because I knew I would never have you otherwise. I... I loved you... I..."

Kenshin sharply raised his head and looked at her straight in the eyes. His gaze was full of incomprehension and fear. Was this the truth?

"Himura, had I known that you had carried this heavy burden this far, I would have tried to get in touch with you earlier. All these years, you thought you have lain your hands on me against my will, didn't you? What in the name of God could have led you to think such a thing?"

The room grew quiet and for a long moment, nobody moved. Yumiko-dono had wanted to take his hand. She had wanted to tell him: "I love you still." But nothing good would have come out of it, and she was glad that Kaoru-dono's presence had stopped her.

Outside, the rain started to fall again.

"I... I always thought of you as a friend, nothing more. I don't think I really saw you for what you were, a beautiful girl. You were the only one I could talk to, it was so easy. You listened to me and made me feel better about my choices. That's why I thought I had forced you. I believed I had done something terrible."

He gave a small laugh, but his eyes were sad.

"I couldn't live with myself after what I had done and so I truly become a blood beast. Although I had walked in the light of the ishin, in my mind I was in the dark more than ever. Tomoe, you, I had done everything wrong. When I finally gathered the courage to look for you again, your okiya had burned down and you were nowhere to be found. I'm sorry, Yumiko-dono."

Yumiko had dried her tears although her heart was heavier than ever.

"But tell me please. Did... did anything happen to you after that? I mean..."

"I guess I betrayed myself earlier."

She looked down then up, his eyes meeting hers.

"There was a child born from our union."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Little hands

Yumiko could feel Kaoru-dono and Himura's eyes on her. The former had been greatly been shocked, while the latter had just nodded, a mix of sadness and curiosity on his face. Yumiko wanted to tell him everything about the child, but she felt like she was going to hurt the other woman unnecessarily. Yet it had to be done. There was no turning back at this point.

"After the fire at the okiya, I lived with the kimono maker, his wife and their younger children for a while. Only the man's house had burn, his business having been in another part of town. He was a quite successful man and took me in without even thinking twice. I looked for you, Himura, but it was hard. My leg was badly burnt and I couldn't walk really far. I didn't dare ask my benefactor for help. The days went by and I when I understood that I was pregnant, I was got scared. What if my child looked like you? You were the infamous hitokiri, I couldn't risk the life of the baby to come. I talked with the old man, telling him everything of my ties with you; he was a good man and I knew he would understand. And he did. He agreed to send me to Nagasaki, where his sister and her husband were also in the kimono business. The night before my departure, I cried all night, saying my goodbyes to you forever. I knew I would never see you again."

Yumiko took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

"A few months later, in Nagasaki, I gave birth to a boy. His hair was bright red but his eyes were grey like mine. I had been right to move away from Kyoto. I named him Hikaru."

"Hikaru," whispered Kenshin.

"He was a sickly little thing, but he survived. At first, I spent mot of my time taking care of him, but as he grew older, I could not just sit idle and let my benefactors feed me. There were many rich foreigners on Dejima who had remained in Japan and they were constantly looking for maids and nannies. I found a job with one of them and moved in with Hikaru. The man of the house was a good Dutchman. He also had a son and so he allowed Hikaru and Fersen, that was his name, to play together."

"And now, where is your son?" asked Kaoru. Yumiko could sense that the woman was trying really hard to hide her animosity towards her. Himura had lowered his eyes, as if feeling guilty for his curiosity.

"Ten years ago a strange plague afflicted the island. Most of the foreigners seemed immune to it but it decimated the Japanese population. Hikaru..."

Yumiko's throat was constricted. The words wouldn't come out. Letting them out would be like putting her son to death again. With trembling hands, she reached for the cup of tea in front of her and sipped some of the lukewarm liquid with great difficulty. She didn't dare look at Himura. She was afraid she would see unimaginable sadness in them, or worse, relief. She had heard Kaoru-dono sigh and was not dupe as to the reason. Taking a deep breath, she started to speak in a strangled voice.

"Hikaru past away... He... He was only nine..." The last words choked in her throat and tears escaped her eyes. She reached for her handkerchief in her sleeve. This time, no one stopped her movement to offer her theirs. She hid her face in the fabric for a few moments. She was so embarrassed. This is not how she had planned this reunion. In fact, she hadn't really planned anything, but this sure wasn't on her list of expectations. Trying to regain her composure, she exhaled slowly. Not having the courage to look at Himura, she took out a half torn picture from one of the fold of her obi. It was a black and with picture of a little boy wearing the Japanese traditional wear. Colour had been manually added to the picture and one could see the bright red hair of the child's high ponytail. She lay the picture in front of her and pushed it toward Himura.

"This is his shichi-go-san picture. He was seven when it was taken. It's the last picture of him we ever took."

Kenshin took the picture in his hands, filled with mixed emotions. He looked at the boy in the picture and his heart almost stopped. It was like looking into the past. As if he was looking at a distant reflection of his past self. The only difference was the boy's built and eye colour. He was a whole lot more delicate than Kenshin had been at the same age and his eyes were grey, not purple. He looked a lot like Kenji, in fact. What blessing and misery to find a son and have it taken away by death on the same day, he thought. He wish he could have seen the boy, talked to him. But at the same time, he felt deep guilt towards Kaoru-dono.

Kaoru took the picture and gave Yumiko a strange uncomfortable smile.

"He looked a lot like Kenji, don't you think so, Kenshin?"

Kenshin remained silent, looking straight at Yumiko. She could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Yumiko-dono," he said in a hoarse voice. "Please forgive me."

Having said that, he laid his hands in front of him and bowed his head until his forehead touched the tatami in deep apology. Kaoru, startled, looked at her husband with an unreadable expression.

"Yumiko-dono, please forgive me. Forgive me for putting you in such a miserable position. I should never, never have lain hands on you. I can't even start to imagine the hardship you've gone through because of me. Please forgive me, I beg you to please forgive me."

Yumiko reached for Himura's trembling shoulders and tried to make him sit up but she wasn't strong enough.

"Please, Himura. Sit up, this is not necessary... Kaoru-dono please help me. Make him stop..."

"Kenshin, please, listen to what she says..."

The two women grabbed Kenshin shoulders, trying vainly to push him back up but the man would not budge. Giving up, Yumiko sat back on her heels and took the picture of her son in her hands.

"Himura. Don't apologize. Yes, my life has been hard at times, but I never wished Hikaru had never been born. He brought live in my life. Unconditional love. He was my source of joy and I doubt I would have survived those dark times without him. Every night, I looked at him sleep and thanked the gods for giving such a blessing"

_Every day, I looked at him and saw you. Every day, I loved you through him._

Kenshin, slowly sat up and looked at Yumiko. His deep purple eyes were unfathomable.

The samurai wanted to see the picture again but dared not ask for it in front of Kaoru-dono. She had been deeply affected by the night's events and he didn't want to add to her discomfort. He looked at Yumiko-dono and for the first time, he really saw her beauty. Her dark brown hair, her grey eyes, her fine features... What a beautiful woman she was. He tried to picture her like she had been nineteen years ago and he realized with horror that he could barely remember her face. He really had been immersed in his own world back then. He felt sorry for her, for him and for the happiness that might have been. Yet, he could not see her as a lover would have. His love for Kaoru-dono was strong and she was now his family. Leaving her was out of the question. He would have to find another way to atone. He felt completely powerless.

"Maybe we should all go to bed," proposed Kaoru in a neutral voice. "It's almost dawn."

The three of them looked outside. It was still dark but the horizon was getting lighter.

"Yes, I would certainly enjoy some sleep. They should send for me tomorrow morning. I shall not impose myself on you much longer. Good night."

Without another word, Yumiko got up and walked away, leaving Kaoru and Kenshin alone with each other. Kaoru took her husband's hand in hers and softly brought it to her face to kiss it.

"Kaoru-dono..."

"Shhh. Kenshin, I'm not angry. Surprised, yes, saddened, yes, but not angry. I wish you had told me about this earlier. Of course there was no way to know about Hikaru, but I wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me about that night. I felt jealous of this woman at first, but now I see that I should pity her instead. She loved you with all her heart but I can see that she was never anything more than a friend to you."

Kaoru let go of Kenshin's hand and piled the tea cups to bring them to the kitchen. When she came back to the room, her husband was gone. She figured he had gone to bed. When she walked into their bedroom she saw Kenshin sitting asleep against the wall with Kenji in a tight embrace.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Grey eyes

The morning was fresh and sunny and the wind brought the first scent of fall. The Kamiya residence was quiet and peaceful. Yumiko tied her obijime and straightened the knot of her obi. Distractedly, she smoothed her hair. Then, she removed the sheets of her futon and folded them neatly before doing the same thing with her futon. Satisfied with her work, she got out of the room, leaving the shoji open. Then, she walked on the veranda and, finding a quiet and nice spot, she sat down. This house was truly beautiful. Its smell reminded her of her okiya. It made her at peace. Although her parents had sold her, she had never hated them for doing so. She had loved the life of a geisha. And even after the fire, even if she had gone through so much hardship, she had always been thankful. Talking to Himura had been a good decision. She felt lighthearted, almost blissful. She was ready to move on.

The sound of the floorboards creaking behind her stopped her train of thought and she turned around to see Kenshin's son, Kenji. The little boy was looking at her with curiosity from behind a post. Yumiko smiled at him; he really looked like Hikaru.

"Good morning, Kenji."

The boy said nothing but came closer and sat next to her. They both looked silently at the garden for a while. Then, the red-haired child thrust his small hand in front of her. When she looked down, she saw two wrapped candies resting on his small palm. With the tip of her fingers, she took one and unwrapped it, thinking he wanted help. When she tried to give it to him, he grunted and refused to take it back. Yumiko smiled softly and put the candy in her mouth.

"Thank you, Kenji."

Looking pleased, the boy unwrapped the other candy and popped it in his mouth with a little laugh. He then proceeded to give the wrapping back to her. Yumiko laughed and held the two wrappers in her left hand. Kenji then got up, gave her a hug and walked away like he had come. What a sweet child, she thought.

Someone from the ryokan came to the dojo at around eight. Kaoru had offered to cook breakfast for Yumiko but she had politely refused. At the gate, she thanked both of them for their hospitality and apologized for the scene she had made. Wishing them well, she started heading back for her accommodation, fighting her desire to turn around and lay her eyes on Himura one last time.

Kenshin watched Yumiko walk away with a leaden heart. How he wish he could have made it up to her. Kaoru was relieved that the whole ordeal was over.

Kenshin was sipping tea on the veranda when Yahiko returned from a dojo in town. His zori and tabi were covered with mud and he looked exhausted. He walked up to Kenshin and carelessly put his bouken down before sitting next to the man. Seeing the sembei on a plate next to the samurai he grabbed one and shove it in his mouth.

"Woah! They were really out to kill me! Those little monsters I tell you. I could strangle them with my bare hands, I swear!"

Having said that, he gobbled down a few more sembei before proceeding to take off his muddy tabi.

"Nah, Kenshin. You look very tired. Did something happen? You look like you spent the whole night up."

Kenshin smiled. Yahiko knew this smile, it was Kenshin's something-terrible-is-happening-but-don't-worry smile. He didn't like it at all but knew that insisting would be totally useless.

"By the way, I saw something so strange earlier today. I was walking in front of Akabekko on my way here when I saw... Well when I saw you! This guy had bright red hair and looked just like you! The only difference was his ponytail, it was a bit..."

Kenshin suddenly jumped on his feet and took Yahiko by the shoulders.

"Are you sure? Where was that? In front of Akabekko?"

Kenshin was so tense that he hurt Yahiko's shoulder. His eyes were pretty scary as well.

"Yes, I think he was coming out of the ryokan next to Tae's place. Why? Please Kenshin release me, you're actually hurting me."

Kenshin let go of Yahiko and mumbled an apology. He reached for his sword and realized that he didn't have one anymore; he had given it to the young man for his genpuku. Old habits were hard to kill.

"Tell Kaoru I've gone to town. I'll be right back. Oh and keep and eye on Kenji; he's sleeping in your room."

Without further ado, Kenshin started running.

"Geez! Will someone please tell me what's going on?"

Kenshin rushed through the main gate and past the sakura trees he and Kaoru loved so much. Maybe this was just a big misunderstanding but even if there was the slightest chance of this man being his son he wanted to see him with his own eyes. His heart beating fast, he rushed towards the centre of town.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Red hair

Yumiko was sitting in her room, organizing her gowns and kimonos in her trunk when an envelop slipped from between the folds of a kimono, emptying its content to the floor. A dozen of picture, both sepia and black and white where scattered around her. She took the first one. It was a picture of her. She was about to pick another one when she heard a great commotion in the stairs. She didn't even have the time to get up that the sliding door to her room was abruptly pushed aside showing a panting and dishevelled red-haired man. Yumiko recognized Himura immediately. As soon as he saw her he rushed to her and taking her by the shoulders he asked:

"Where is he? Where?"

Confused, Yumiko frowned.

"Where is who?"

Himura's fingers were hurting her.

"Hikaru! Where is Hikaru?"

Before she had time to reply, a soft voice was heard from the hall.

"Mama, are you there?"

Yumiko froze and so did Kenshin. Then, they both turned around to look at a young person when red hair standing in the door frame.

"Hika..."

Kenshin stopped mid-word, the last syllable dying in his throat. The man standing at the door was indeed wearing man's clothes, and his pony-tail was actually high like he had sported his own back in the days, but this was no man. This young person was a woman. Her breasts were filling the upper part of her gi and her traits were too delicate to be those of a man.

"Mama, is there someone in there with you?" asked the girl.

Yumiko, still frozen, didn't reply. Kenshin then notice that the girl's grey eyes were not focused. She was blind.

"Mama?"

Snapping out of it, Yumiko tried to take the situation in her hands.

"I'm here sweety, I'm packing my trunk. Don't come in, there are many things on the floor. Go to your room, I'll see you in a moment."

The girl didn't move.

"But mama, I can hear someone else in there. Tell me, who is it?"

Kenshin got up and Yumiko grabbed his sleeve, pleading with her eyes. Kenshin gently removed her hand off his clothes and faced the young woman.

"You have good ears. My name is Himura Kenshin. I'm your..."

Yumiko closed her eyes and put her right hand on her mouth muffling a cry.

"Nice to meet you Mr Himura. Himura Kenshin, what a great name. My father's last name was also Himura, you know."

Yumiko opened her eyes to see her daughter smile to Himura. She bit her fingers, afraid of what was going to happen.

"Is that so? What was his full name?"

"Himura Shinta," replied the girl. "It means generous heart."

"Is that so," said Kenshin, turning around to look at Yumiko with a raised eyebrow. The woman turned away, holding back tears.

"Tell me child, was is your name? And why are you dressed in man's clothes?"

The young woman touched her clothes then smiled anew.

"My name is Ai. I am wearing these clothes because I went to take pictures with Fersen. I thought it would be a good idea to dress as a man, so that mama could have a picture of Hikaru as a grown man. There are some of me dressed as a girl, too. Here. I'm not sure which one is which, as I can't see."

She grabbed an envelop from her bag and stretched her arm in front of her for Kenshin to grab it. The samurai gently took it and looked at the pictures. Ai was portrayed with a tall man whose air was most likely blond. She smiled and actually did a good job of looking at the camera. On one of the pictures, the angle and her stern air really made her look like a man. She looked a little bit like Kenshin at a younger age, but not as much as Hikaru had in the other picture. The man handed the pictures to Yumiko and dared not look at them for fear that she would burst in tears.

"These are beautiful pictures. Who is this man with you in them?"

"Oh, he's Fersen. He's my fiance. He's a doctor you see and I'm going with him to the Netherlands to help him cure his patients. I know shiatsu massage and he thinks I could be useful. He's a really funny man, always joking around to make me smile."

Kenshin was shocked. The Netherlands?

"Tell me, where is your brother, Hikaru?"

He already knew the answer but he wanted to hear it from her.

"Onii-san? He died, a few years ago. I miss him a lot you know, he was my twin. That's why I dressed like this. I will never have another chance to take pictures for Hikaru."

"I'm sad to hear that."

A waved of emotion took over Kenshin's heart. This woman, this beautiful girl in front of him was his daughter. She was his daughter, she was alive and she was going to leave Japan forever.

"Mr. Himura, I'm sorry, can I touch your hands. I can't see but this is a way of mine to get to know people."

Without thinking, Kenshin held out his hands. The girl took them in hers. They were warm and soft.

"Your hands are rough. I can feel the calluses. You used to wield a sword, like my father. You know he..."

"Ai!" warned Yumiko, her tears now running free on her face.

"Oh. I'm sorry. Mama always tells me that I talk too much, just like my father did."

Kenshin flinched. Yes, he had been quite the talkative one, hadn't he.

"Ai-dono, I..."

Yumiko held her breath, praying with all her heart that Himura would not speak the truth. Ai was waiting.

"I was a friend of your father and knew him quite well actually."

Yumiko let out a sob and hid her face in her hands. Ai turned towards her mother, Kenshin's hands still in hers.

"Mama, why are you crying?"

"She is sad that we will never see each other again. We were good friends as well. Tell me child, what else did your mother tell you about your father?"

Kenshin's heart was beating so hard he feared his daughter would hear it.

"She always says good things about him. She said that he was a good man and that he gave his life so we could live in this era of peace. She said that he was a boy who had been given a man's task but that no matter how hard the fighting was he had always remained pure at heart. He was nothing but a child, she said. He was younger than I am now when he died. Mr. Himura, are you alright? Your hands are trembling."

Kenshin felt that his heart was about to burst. To have his child voice the loving words her mother had had for him was too much. He now realized that Yumiko had been one of the few who had truly seen through the mask of the hitokiri. He stifled a sob, but the tears flowed freely on his cheeks. Yumiko was still crying.

Suddenly, Ai released Kenshin's hands and delicately cupped his tearful face. The man closed his eyes and clenched his jaw to hold back his emotions.

"Mr. Himura. I can feel that you and my father shared a great bond. I wish I could have known him. I believe he was a great man and it seems to me that you are, too."

New tears escaped Kenshin's eyes. He took a deep breath.

"You father was a lost boy and a tortured soul, but his intentions were pure. In that way, he was indeed great. And you know what, you look exactly like his mother did. She was a beautiful woman and so are you."

The young girl blushed.

"Thank you Mr. Himura. I presume my mother and you have things to discuss so I will now go to my room. It was a pleasure meeting you.

"And I you," replied Kenshin in a trembling voice.

Ai disappeared from the door frame and her footsteps could be heard faintly down the hall until they died away. Kenshin's knees gave under his weight and he slowly slid to the tatami floor. He raised his left hand to his face and covered his scar with it. No matter how he tried he could not stop the tears from silently flooding his face. A daughter. He had a daughter.

A long moment passed before either of them said a word. Then, Kenshin broke the silence of their tears.

"Why? Why lie to me?"

"I didn't mean to... I just wanted to see you again. I never imagined that you would be married. I didn't mean to tell you about Hikaru, but I betrayed myself. I saw how your wife reacted to the mention of our son..."

_Our son._

"So I decided to hide the truth about Ai. Thank you for not telling her who you were. I don't want this child to live anymore drama. I would love to tell her that her father is alive, but I don't want her to know that she was born out of wedlock. Fersen and his father also believe her father passed away."

"Was she born blind?"

Yumiko shook her head.

"No. She survived the fever that took away Hikaru, but she lost her eyesight because of it. She did not see Hikaru die and so for a year she thought I was lying to her, that I was hiding her brother. I started telling her about her about her dad, about you, around that time."

"When are you leaving?"

"Tonight."


	9. Chapter 9

Epilogue

Absolution

Kenshin sat alone in the room he shared with Kaoru. His wife had not yet come back from the other dojo and it was more than likely that she would stay there for the night. It was a common occurrence, nothing to worry about. In front of the man, on the tatami, a sheathed sword. His sword. He looked at it, not daring to touch it. How long had it been since he had last yielded it. His sword. Not so anymore for he had given it to Yahiko when the boy had come of age. It was usually displayed in the dojo for all to see, for all to understand that the Kamiya style was to be used to protect life, not take it. Kenshin smiled inwardly. How funny that his and Kaoru's style had met when they should have never. The sakabato had been the key. Without it, Kenshin would have gone on killing and would probably have ensed up like Shishio at the end of the revolution. How many had he killed before the sakabato? He had lost count. Too many, for sure.

Kenshin looked outside. The moon shine brightly, the sky without a cloud. A calm night, perfect for sailing, he thought. Looking back at his sword, he took it in his hands and unsheathed it. The sharp blade reflected the bleak light of the night. Had he yielded it earlier, would he have been able to make Yumiko's life easier? Could he have been a father to his son and daughter? Probably not. It had not been meant to be. Yet, he had been happy to see the girl. What a fair girl, and smart, too. She may be blind, but she saw much. He felt a pang of sadness at the thought of losing her so soon after having found her. Yet, he knew that Yumiko had made the right choice and he didn't resent her decision. Had the two of them stayed around, his peaceful life with Kaoru would have been disturbed beyond repair. The past and the present were not to be reconciled. Kenshin looked at his reflection in the blade then sheathed it with a sharp movement. He would return it to its original position before Kaoru got home.

Kenshin got up and walked to the veranda where he sat, his feet dangling. Then, slowly he leaned back to look at the moon. Before long, images of the day came back dancing in his mind. After Yumiko had told him that they were leaving the same evening, he and she had remained crying silently for a while. He had wanted to ask her many thing, to ask her for their address in the Netherlands, ask her to write to him, to send him pictures of Ai, but he had remained quiet. His heart's desire were not to be voiced. Surely, Yumiko had had similar thoughts but she, too, had remained silent. Kenshin had lost sense of time and when he gotten up to leave, he hadn't been sure how long he had spent sitting on the tatami, lost in thoughts. He and the woman had exchanged polite salutations and wishes of good health. He had seen in her eyes the hurt and a strong will. She had been holding back tears, but something else as well. He couldn't say what but he presumed that it was a desire similar to his own. He had wanted to take her in his arms and hug her. Hug her once last time but also, in a way, for the very first time. But both of them had remained still and so, Kenshin had left without giving her the satisfaction of knowing that he had finally understood her feelings for him. Of Ai, there hadn't been a trace. His daughter had probably left with her future husband.

Kenshin had wandered the streets of Tokyo aimlessly for a while, not wanting to go back home with his red eyes and his grief stricken face. Before he knew it, he had found himself at the Senso-ji. The place bustled with people and yet, he felt completely alone and anonymous. After walking here and there without really looking where he was going, he had found a nice bench under a willow tree, away from everything and everyone. There, he had cried. He had cried silently at first, then the sobs had come. He usually would have held them back, but he just hadn't cared. His heart had been heavy as lead and he hadn't wanted to carry this burden anymore, not even a step further. Some people had passed by looked at him with reprieving eyes. A grown man crying alone in public! What a sight he must have been. But what had he cared? He had had nothing to prove to the world. After a while, his tears had dried out and peacefulness had overcome him. Wiping his face with his sleeve and blowing his nose with his handkerchief, he had gotten up and walked away. This time, he had known where he was going. He was going home to his wife and child. Back to the present.

Nevertheless, he had been happy to see that Kaoru wasn't home when he had arrived. His eyes were still quite red and he had a head splitting headache. He had left Kenji in Yahiko's care and had gone to bed to wake up in the middle of the night. And so there he was, gazing at the moon, feeling at peace with himself yet a little melancholic.

What a life he had lived! What life would he live from now on? Only the stars and the moon knew, and they kept their secret oh so very well...


End file.
